Couple and Family Counselling
Relationships often start with an intense connection. Over time, the spark that first attracted partners to each other seems to fade away. With Emotionally Focused Therapy, partners learn to communicate and understand the negative patterns of interaction that are causing distress in their relationship and negatively affecting their connection. Couples learn to express their thoughts and fears in a safe and respectful way.
My goal in couple's therapy is to:
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Help you reconnect with your partner.
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Feel safe to be your true self in life and love.
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Heal from recent or past grief and loss.
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Connect in a deeper and more authentic way.
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Stop having the same argument(s) over and over again.
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Avoid being disappointed in each other so much.
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Recover from an infidelity or other breach of trust.
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Get back to more joy, laughter, and fun together.
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Work on your relationship even though your partner does not seem available.
Watch EFT Video here: What is EFT?
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There is Hope for your Relationship!
Research shows that 86% of couples improve after a brief period of EFT guidance and
73% maintained their improvements when we check back in two years later.
The Negative Cycle
During therapy, couples learn about how they get caught in “negative cycles” or patterns of interactions. A negative cycle is a repetitive pattern of behaviors, thoughts, and feelings that cause distress. You react to your partner’s reactions and your partner reacts to your reactions and around and around it goes. Understanding and untangling your negative cycle is the first step in climbing out of distress. Below are exercises to help you and your partner in this process.
When my partner and I are not getting along:
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I often react by (describe behaviors)……
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My partner often reacts to me by (describe behaviors)……
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When my partner reacts this way, I often feel……
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When I feel this way, I see myself as……
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When I feel this way, I long for or need……
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When I react the way I do, I guess that my partner feels……
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Describe your negative cycle (include how you and your partner trigger the other’s feelings, thoughts, and behaviors)…
Attachment Styles
Read the four types of attachment styles below. Find the one that best describes you, and then ask your partner to do the same.
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Secure: “It is easy for me to become emotionally close to others. I am comfortable depending on them and having them depend on me. I don’t worry about being alone or having others not accept me.”
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Anxious: “I want to be completely emotionally intimate with others, but I often find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I am uncomfortable being without close relationships, but I sometimes worry that others don’t value me as much as I value them.”
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Avoidant: “I am comfortable without close relationships. It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me.”
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Disorganized: “I am uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others.”
Couple Resources
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Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson.
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Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships by Dr. Sue Johnson.
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An Emotionally Focused Workbook for Couples: The Two of Us by Dr. Sue Johnson.
Family Therapy
We depend on our families to support us. Trauma, conflict, life transitions, grief/loss, separation/divorce, or sickness are among the various challenges that can cause anguish to the family and exhaust its coping ability. I work with families to build on the sense of connection and to explore positive coping mechanisms.
